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That Couldn't Happen to Me!

So many times that has crossed my lips and I am sure yours as well. But when it comes to our Children, the people we love and the ones we care about, we have to remember that we do NOT know everything! What someone else is going through may be something you are going through next week, so to sit back and judge, point fingers and throw blame is not our jobs. Not only could it be you, it may be you soon!

We are not only a product of our environment, but a product of who we allow in our lives. In today's society, with keyboard warriors, internet bullies and families that no longer are the backbone of our upbringing, how do we protect ourselves or the ones we love from becoming victims or so depressed that they feel they have no where else to go but to disappear?

I am the product of a mother that is not only bi-polar, but someone that would go out of their way to destroy me, then help me. My sister has become so depressed over they constantly instilled hatred that it is hard for her to get out of bed and function anymore. No-one can understand this, no-one has walked in her shoes, no-one sees the internal struggle and pain she is in unless you have lived with it, you will never understand. So how do you help someone that can't even help themselves? Do they see they are repeating the same patterns? Do they see that the abuse they went through they are deflecting onto the ones they love as well? Or are they hiding it all inside and no-one even knows what they are really going through as most young adults do?

Personally, I am a very strong person, I can go through hell and still brush myself off and keep going! But that is not reality for most and saying things like "surround yourself with better people" "stop thinking about it" or even "Things will get better, just give it time" doesn't help. Sometimes it even makes things worse. Does giving them space help? Does leaving them alone and letting them pine it out do the trick? or Do we need to be there for them and allow them to use us as a punching bag until they get better? Of course that is not the answer! But, we can all be at a a loss when it comes to the mental health of ourselves or someone we love!

What about when someone we love is always trying to kill themselves or constantly threaten suicide? Is it a cry for help? Maybe it is just attention seeking behavior or maybe it is a test to see if we really care! What do we do then? I have struggled with all of this as I love my sister and want her to be ok, but do I hold my tongue and only say what she needs to hear? Do I hold her accountable and set boundaries for her sake and for my own mental health or do I know exactly what she is going through and allow her to let it all out, so she knows at least I am here for her? I am torn in half thinking of what my role is for her at this point!

With our suicide rate higher then it has ever been in this country, what are the resources to get not only her the help she needs, but to help her see she needs it? It saddens my heart knowing that going into 2023 that this is the new reality of our nation. I can no longer sit by and watch people abuse others, to sit back and watch depressed people fall deeper into depression and watch our youth fall into a pocket of judgmental hypocrites that only know how to point fingers instead of looking in a mirror and realizing their role in their own lives.

The biggest lesson I wish everyone could learn is not only empathy for others, but to realize that they do not have the right to judge others, that their opinion is not gold and instead of being another one jumping on a train of hate, they a can stand apart and be the person that sees past what they may or may not have done and still love them anyways.

This year, we should learn how to help people, see the signs that will show us when someone needs help and be brave enough and kind enough to help them get it, instead of one of the reasons they need it. Every single person in the world has good days, bad days, good years, bad years and tragedies. But, not everyone reacts the same way to them. Some people have anger issues that prevent them from dealing with things properly, some were and are mentally or physically abused and some have walls up that prevent them from even showing they care for themselves, no less caring for others. But, I vow to make this the year that all changes. I will no longer take things as a personal attack, because the cashier didn't smile at me or the drive through worker, didn't get my order right! I will remember, that I have no idea of their struggles, what they are feeling or going through and I can either make their day or break their day with the words and actions I choose!

I would truly love, if nothing else, that people will join me on this humanitarian quest of love, empathy and kindness, instead of this new found religion of brutality and selfishness that we have taught this generation. We can accept responsibility and change before it is to late! We can do it, so let's do it together!

For resources check with your local health department , crisis support services or call the suicide prevention hotline by dialing 988 from any cellphone.

xoxo Haley


David Schowen
David Schowen
Jan 03, 2023

Very well written article! Thank you for sharing some of your insights and personal experiences.

Replying to

Awe thank you so much David!

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